For those of you who honor me by reading my ravings, you know I think radio and TV commercials are depleting our gray matter. Commercials are designed to plant what someone selling you something wants you to think and then keep you from thinking anything else when you are looking to purchase whatever product that is. They are, frankly, brainwashing.
I periodically post commercials that drive me crazy and should insult your intelligence. I will do that, but this time I will start with two that give a baseline for what I think is a good commercial. One of my favorites is “Kars for Kids.” A group of youngsters sings, “I-800-Kars for Kid,” and someone tells you that when you dial that number, you can donate money, houses, and yes, cars, to help programs for children. It is cheerful, succinct, and leaves you knowing exactly what it is all about. Another one that does that is the “Mr. Mayhem” series by All-State. It treats you to plausible things that can go wrong that might not be covered by your insurance, and tells you to check out All-State’s coverage. If you like mayhem, the commercials are funny, and they pass “the smell test” because they tell you what you should do and why.
Here are a few that drive me crazy and should insult your intelligence. Let’s start with Liberty Insurance’s moron who can’t say liberty. In one of the latest versions of Liberty’s insulting commercials, this guy is sitting on a bench with a mom who has with her a baby carriage. The unseen baby in the carriage is jabbering about Liberty, and this guy is arguing with the baby about pronunciation. His is “biberty.” Finally, he tells the phantom child that it is acting like a baby, and the mother says to him, “She’s two years old.” Tell me what that commercial tells you about the product? Answer? Nothing.
Then there’s the farmer-type guy and his wife yelling at Doug’s Emu, who is leaving home with a bundle under its wing. I guess Emu’s leaving home don’t pack suitcases. This dope is imploring the Emu to return, because Emus can’t get people to buy insurance. Right there, I want to turn off the TV or at least change the channel. But before that happens comes the kicker. Ma and Pa are back in the house. The TV is on. Pa sees the Emu in a Progressive commercial and waxes rhapsodic about the success of his bird. Give me a break. By the way, what is the ask here? If you buy Progressive you get only what you need. Is that a smart Emu? I’m not sure anyone needs an Emu unless they’re raising them.
But here’s the winner take all of awful commercials, at least until I find another one. It’s the California Psychics commercial. This gem begins with the deep, smooth-voiced narrator bemoaning the difficulties of finding love. He tells us that when one is looking unsuccessfully for love, everything and everyone around you seems to have found it. How then does one find it for oneself? By getting a “reading,” of course, from one of their psychics. The term reading is a bit dated since this is a “talking.” There’s no room, no woman with a scarf on her head and a crystal ball on the table. If you hang on long enough, you get a phone number that will get you love.
The narrator rightly assumes but doesn’t state that the listener might be a little skeptical about all this, so he launches into a “why you should trust us” spiel. We will learn that 98% of the psychics who apply for work at “CP,” are rejected. They are not fit to read your mind or tell you your future. We are also told that if your encounter with your psychic isn’t “life-changing,” you get your money back. And you get all this life-changing assurance for a mere twenty dollars for twenty minutes. Skeptical? You bet. Someone in that 2% is going to change my life in twenty minutes. Just for the record, therapists take years—and they have degrees. Color me doubtful. Color me doubtful that my psychic isn’t going to suggest that so much more in my life could be changed if I’d spring for more than twenty minutes. Don’t know that, but I think it is a safe bet.
Conclusion? The president is on a tear against the media. Better he should turn his attention to messaging. Oh, right, messaging is his forte. Now what? Well, one thing would be to develop a critical mind when watching commercials. Then you can get irritated just like me.